my oh my!
it's been long since i get this feeling again.
the feeling you get when your result is not very good and your parents are questioning it.
hmmm....
it does feel sad to let your parents down.
i got A-B-C for my final sem exam. (the minimum is A-B-B)
unless you score that much, MARA won't send you abroad,
what more with the economy downturn right now.
you know what....
i think i live a terrible life- the type of life where you don't have this big thing that makes you really motivated.
since i was a kid, i always think that...
I WILL GET WHAT I WANT
....terrible isn't it?
you know why i have this thought?
i score in my exams (not as best student. just a good result),
i get elected as prefect when i was 10 (even though i'm not really working for it),
and the path i live in life, is somewhat easy and in flow.
until i failed some papers in my last year of high school.
and i was actually sent out of class.
being scolded by teachers, my parents actually questioned my degrading grade.
but even with that, i still passed high school and got scholarship to study in a good college.
alhamdulillah, i am thankful to Allah.
for letting me live this path till now.
for giving me success in the things that i do.
for making the path of my life easy for me.
anyway, you know how some people have this personal motivation?
like, 'to be succesful in life to change his hard past',
'to be the best doctor because he wants to heal a certain someone',
'to be a good teacher so that he can change the life of the kids in his hometown'.
i don't have any of those.
i don't have this personal motivator that will drive me to achieve my goal.
my life has always been in flow.
i don't even know what i want, sometimes.
am i just following the rush of life?
or am i just not clear of why i exist yet?
'khalifah'.....
'khalifah'. yeah that's right.
i just realized. dat's why i exist.
to be a khalifah on this earth.
everyone is.
i just have to take the first step.
ALLAH DOES NOT LOOK AT THE RESULTS,
HE LOOKS AT HOW HARD YOU TRY TO ACHIEVE IT.
